This is me...
Current mood: ashamed
Category: Life

Well yeah i guess Im going to bite off my best friend "chevious kewi" and start a journal. I mean I’d figure I’d do an online one cause what have I got to lose??

Okay so Everyone has noticed, that im not exactly the same as I was before the two week spring break. Technically I’m not. I’m so tired of dealing with so much stress, so many issues, and holding it in, being the bigger person, being a listening ear for my best friends, giving people second chances, more than 20 times. I cant be that girl anymore.

Sometimes I envy my friends. They have it all. A carefree world. Someone who loves them, Things I wish I had [[not materialistic, but sentimental]]. They all seem so happy, seem so acceptable towrads themselves.... and then theres me.

Im so out of place when it comes to my group of friends. Im the girl who everyone holds expectations for, yet they arent who I am. They wish to mold me into someone Im not, they have molded me into someone Im not.

If only everyone [[including my circle of friends]] knew what went on in my mind. they would feel sympathy, remorse, and my parents lets say things wouldnt go the way they do around here either.

Everyone tries to put a label on me, making me something im not. They ask me, who are you? In return I have no answer. even I havent figured out who I am. Im just a girl who had to grow up fast, who had to learn things that were never in my head until I moved out here, Im the girl who everyone despises yet at the same time, comfort me, and give me the love im looking for. Im the girl who was teased, until she fought, and then was feared. Im the girl who feels like a martian Inside a world full of clones. I do not belong here. Im the girl who wonders why no one loves her, yet she cant even love her own self. Im the girl who is here for my friends. Im the one who tells them the truth and nothing less, each and everytime I open my mouth. Im the girl who is constantly hurt by the ones whom claim they love her, but they cant deal with the personality disorders, the bi-polarness, the pain. The girl no-one can seem to understand, the girl who had her innocence taken away from her, and the girl who kept quiet and let him get away with it. Im the girl that most people secretly wish they were, but if only they knew what ive been through, what I long for, they would thank the Lord for the life they were given. Yet Im the girl that excels in school. the girl who writes poetry, expressing the deep dark emotions inside of her heart, the girl who dreamt of life without her. The girl who fears none, yet fears all.

I am just the girl who cant even figure her own self out.